I like where you're going in the essay, I just can't really tell what the prompt is by reading it. It sounds like unacceptance? The draft doesn't show a lot of reading since examples are from the start of the book (quotes should be added too even though it's a little confusing to add them in since you're talking in Grendel's pov).
Some sentences are a little wordy/confusing : Ex-" Over time, I learn to dislike them more and more about them, and I find myself just hating them more." also think this is a little vague
I think better hooks would greatly improve your essay! (length, APA, and resource page needs to be upped/added)
I am guessing the prompt is about challenges Grendel faces based on the first paragraph. I see you talk about it in first paragraph but then nothing after that.
I only see reading from beginning of the book, not much information.
Your second paragraph does not connect to the first at all. It needs more length and specific examples that connect to your prompt. I just think the example in the second paragraph is a little random and more like a summary of the beginning of the book.
I like the rhetorical device at the beginning of your essay, it caught my attention, but you didn't keep my attention after that.
You also have a lot of spelling errors and I recommend always running your papers through Grammarly.
Your paper isn't horrible, I liked where it was going in the first paragraph but after that you lost me. Just try using more specific examples and try to connect your paragraphs so they flow into each other.
I like where you're going in the essay, I just can't really tell what the prompt is by reading it. It sounds like unacceptance? The draft doesn't show a lot of reading since examples are from the start of the book (quotes should be added too even though it's a little confusing to add them in since you're talking in Grendel's pov).
ReplyDeleteSome sentences are a little wordy/confusing :
Ex-" Over time, I learn to dislike them more and more about them, and I find myself just hating them more." also think this is a little vague
I think better hooks would greatly improve your essay!
(length, APA, and resource page needs to be upped/added)
I am guessing the prompt is about challenges Grendel faces based on the first paragraph. I see you talk about it in first paragraph but then nothing after that.
ReplyDeleteI only see reading from beginning of the book, not much information.
Your second paragraph does not connect to the first at all. It needs more length and specific examples that connect to your prompt. I just think the example in the second paragraph is a little random and more like a summary of the beginning of the book.
I like the rhetorical device at the beginning of your essay, it caught my attention, but you didn't keep my attention after that.
You also have a lot of spelling errors and I recommend always running your papers through Grammarly.
Your paper isn't horrible, I liked where it was going in the first paragraph but after that you lost me. Just try using more specific examples and try to connect your paragraphs so they flow into each other.